What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is the overall opinion you have of yourself: your sense of worth, capability and value as a person. Healthy self-esteem is not arrogance or constant positive feelings; it is a realistic, stable self-acceptance that remains when you make mistakes. Low self-esteem is characterised by a persistent belief that you are inadequate, unlovable or not good enough. See qué es la autoestima (Spanish).
Signs of low self-esteem
- Harsh inner critic and negative self-talk.
- Difficulty accepting compliments or praise.
- Constantly comparing yourself with others.
- Perfectionism and fear of failure; avoiding challenges.
- People-pleasing, difficulty saying no and setting boundaries.
- Feeling unworthy of love or success; imposter feelings.
- Social withdrawal and shyness.
- Blaming yourself for things that go wrong.
- Hypersensitivity to criticism.
Where does it come from?
- Critical, neglectful or inconsistent parenting; unrealistic expectations.
- Bullying, rejection, abuse or trauma.
- Repeated experiences of failure or unfair comparison at school or work.
- Discrimination and social pressures, including social media comparison.
- Chronic illness, disability or body-image concerns.
- Life events: job loss, divorce, bereavement.
- Mental health conditions: depression and anxiety both lower and are lowered by self-esteem.
- Personality traits such as perfectionism and a tendency to self-criticism.
How it affects your life
Low self-esteem makes it harder to try new things, speak up or ask for what you need. It is linked with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, substance use, unhealthy relationships and poorer performance. It can become self-fulfilling: you expect rejection or failure, avoid risks, and the lack of positive experiences confirms the negative view.
Strategies that help
- Notice and challenge the inner critic: ask “Would I say this to a friend?” and “What is the evidence for and against this thought?”.
- Practise self-compassion: treat yourself with kindness, recognise that imperfection is human.
- Set small, achievable goals and record your successes daily.
- Do behavioural experiments: test your fears (for example, express an opinion) and observe what happens.
- Practise assertiveness: express needs respectfully and set boundaries.
- Focus on strengths and values, not only on flaws.
- Limit comparison, including social media.
- Take care of your body: sleep, nutrition, exercise.
- Surround yourself with supportive people.
A simple daily exercise
Every evening write three things you did well or handled adequately, however small, and one thing you appreciate about yourself. Also write one self-critical thought and rewrite it in a kinder, more balanced way. After a few weeks, many people notice a shift in how they view themselves. If writing triggers distress, stop and speak to a professional.
Therapy for low self-esteem
CBT helps identify and change the core beliefs and rules (“I must be perfect to be accepted”) that maintain low self-esteem. Compassion-focused therapy, schema therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy also help. Therapy is particularly useful when low self-esteem is long-standing, linked to trauma or accompanied by depression, anxiety, eating problems or relationship difficulties. See autoconfianza (Spanish).
Supporting children and teenagers
- Praise effort and strategies, not only results.
- Offer unconditional love and listen without judging.
- Encourage activities where they can develop competence.
- Help them cope with mistakes and set realistic expectations.
- Address bullying quickly and moderate social media use.
- Seek help if you notice withdrawal, persistent sadness or self-harm.
When to seek help
- Low self-esteem lasting months and limiting your life.
- Signs of depression: persistent low mood, loss of interest, sleep and appetite changes.
- Anxiety, panic or social avoidance.
- Self-harm, eating problems or substance use.
- A history of trauma or abuse.
Three common situations
A person who cannot accept compliments and always puts themselves down: practise saying “thank you”, track achievements and challenge the inner critic.
An adult who avoids speaking up at work: use behavioural experiments and assertiveness steps, starting small.
A teenager comparing themselves with online images: reduce exposure, encourage offline activities and seek support if mood is low.
Social media, comparison and self-esteem
Endless, curated images of other people’s lives make unfavourable comparison easy. Studies link heavy social media use with lower self-esteem and body dissatisfaction, especially in teenagers and young adults. Helpful habits include limiting time online, unfollowing accounts that make you feel worse, curating a feed that inspires rather than depresses, and keeping offline friendships and activities that give you real feedback and a sense of competence.
Key points to remember
Low self-esteem is learned and can change. Challenge self-criticism, act in line with your values, practise self-compassion and seek therapy when needed. Our psychology team can support you.
This guide is for general information and does not replace an assessment by a qualified health professional.
Questions about low self-esteem
These answers are general information and do not replace an examination or individual medical advice.
What causes low self-esteem?
Early experiences, criticism, bullying, trauma, failure, social comparison and mental health conditions can all contribute.
Can low self-esteem be improved?
Yes. Therapy, practice and changes in behaviour and self-talk produce lasting improvement.
What is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence?
Self-esteem is your overall sense of worth; self-confidence is belief in your ability to do specific things.
How long does it take to improve?
Many people notice change within weeks of consistent practice; deeper beliefs may take months.
Is low self-esteem a mental illness?
No, but it is linked to depression and anxiety and may need treatment.
Which therapy is best?
CBT is the best-studied, and compassion-focused and acceptance-based therapies also help.
Can exercise improve self-esteem?
Yes. Regular physical activity improves mood, body image and a sense of achievement, all of which support self-esteem.
Does self-esteem change with age?
It tends to rise from adolescence into middle age and may dip in later life, but it can improve at any age with the right strategies.
Can positive affirmations help?
Generic affirmations help little and can backfire if they feel untrue; realistic, balanced statements and evidence of achievements work better.
Sources
This guide is for general information and does not replace medical advice. How a problem is diagnosed and treated depends on your examination and medical history. If you think you have an emergency, contact your local emergency services.